grown-ups and children

Was there an orientation I didn’t attend?
Did I not check my email and is that why I didn’t go?
I feel like they would have sent me an invite but what the fuck do I know anymore

Stuck somewhere between a prodigy and someone who is chill about receiving a pay check
Stuck between the kid who put up plays in 5^th grade and the woman who sat on the stoop for 23 minutes before someone else arrived and had the guts to knock on the door
Stuck between the girl who cold called politicians and pitched socio economical plays and the person who didn’t know she’d misread an entire relationship for 5 weeks

Maybe those two last ones align, actually
Someone who doesn’t know that what she’s doing isn’t regular
that what’s she’s doing is somehow not what other people secretly had in mind
Someone who doesn’t have a clue that she doesn’t have a clue and it’s her greatest strength but how can she ever be sure that they aren’t contemplating firing her at the same time

Are grown ups not supposed to tell us, the smaller grown ups, if we’re doing something wrong?
Are bosses not supposed to let employees know if we aren’t meeting their expectations?
Are leaders not supposed to facilitate processes in which the individual workers can thrive and contribute according to ability and special skills?
Are leaders not supposed to say anything but “I’m the one who makes the calls”,

like,

we know,
that’s why we report to you,
is that supposed to be a threat?
Is that supposed to be new information?
What are you really saying by that, do you want me to go sit in a corner or pitch a different idea, because I’ll fucking do it, I’ll do anything to not feel like a 15 year old who missed a curfew

I thought parents were grown ups and children were kids,
But teenagers are women and women are childish
And children are parents,
And children are great
All my favourite adults are really just children

But if we could please lose the superiority from grown ups and mentors and bosses and co-workers,
If we could make childhood fun again
Instead of making it the equivalent of uselessness,
I’d go sit in a corner
Or I’d run the meeting
I’d sketch up a process design or I’d go on the coffee run

When a woman who’s a grown up child can lose the shame of failing?? Then I think we’re good to go? What the fuck is up with the shame of failing or with failures being fatal? How did anyone ever learn anything? Did I miss an e-mail stating that grown ups have never failed to get to where they are now??? Let’s flag as phishing then?!