Katja and pancakes / snow on bike / roomiegang/band on our subway stop / c-train dropping them off / kristin (director) and the music by john glover (composer) / albert at fiction / josh at taco bell / chelsea and nathan at chelsea and nathan’s / amy (opera singer and performer) /calendar candle at final stage of life / me and alex at sleepover / brad replacing my frying pan / manhattan from above
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THE SCRIPT
THE FINAL LAST MINUTE REHEARSAL
in a dumpling restaurant next door
THE PIECES
1 – Like in the movies
2 – A father’s funeral
3 – Loving from afar
(some of) THE OTHER PERFORMANCES
THE CELEBRATION
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umbrella / into the ocean / “lewisite gas smells of geraniums” from eat the document-rehearsals / house of yes performers / calendar candle / tattoo / the me, mowgli and danielle at the lighthouse in montak / josh at popeyes / hadley performing “like in the movies”
music: “anything can be mine”/”jason new song” by john glover, eat the document
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decoration in one of the rooms of an immersive theater bar / theatre with alex / dancing with josh / malachys with roommates / rockefeller christmas tree / hotdog bar with dan and caitlyn / rehearsal with hadley / mood ring dj dan / set designer explaining her model on first rehearsal day / reference book for rehearsal / calendar candle
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I’ve started to repeat
Im seeing the cycles more clearly, and its time to make some shit happen, to facilitate some narratives, to round up and finish off
i’ve begun to tie up loose ends
i’ve literally got zero plans-free evenings left for the rest of my time in new york city:
that theatre I wanted to come back to, the dance club I still haven’t gone to, farewell dinners and ceremonial trips to the bathroom at mood ring, three of us and I can’t actually remember who the third one was but I think I loved them
final coffee meetings, people I forgot to invite, people I was sure I’d see again but now I honestly don’t know how it’s gonna happen,
leaving to long island for 24 hours seem crazy when there’s so much left to do in the city, but im fairly certain that leaving for 24 hours to long island might be one of the most important things I do while I’m here, cause there’s another narrative, an old one, a chapter of a dusty book from 2015 that I need to read again and write the sequel to,
im in the climax, headed towards the epilogue but I’m not there yet, everything is still about to happen and is happening on every corner of 42nd and 72nd and gansevoort and prescott, and ill remember some of these stories but the ones I wont will still have happened, and I’ll try to channel the ungraspable sensations of love and confusion and appreciation and hangovers and ideas and happiness into a tiny little dumb tattoo, and the tattoo will be what connects us across the sea, an always late subway train but nevertheless the reason we’ll ever see each other again, better late than never, how can I wrap up a story I’m still living?
Everything else could happen tomorrow and it might be up to me, or it’ll be in the hands of someone else, an opera singer or the light designer I’ll see at tech on Wednesday. Something’s been happening and I’m so fucking stoked that I can only control some of these rituals, the other things will just happen, they will just happen to me, they’ll happen when I’m with the others in new york city as I walk towards the C, probably
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screenshot: last night at mood ring
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hadn’t even seen wizard of oz
only knew the song from glee (although i knew idina menzel was somehow involved)
0-100 is my favourite thing actually
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– calendar candle (from danish christmas market)
– the turkey from that parade (as seen on friends, where underdog gets away and they lock themselves out of the apartment to look at the giant baloon, and apparently the parade is not just on friends its actually been happening for 98 years. on the street next to where i live)
– ann (an amazing person who anybody would be lucky to know, including me, at any point in their life, at any place in the world)
– hyped up friends (after having watched wicked 4D, wauw, as a person who had not even (at that point) watched the wizard of oz i am amazed to this introduction to the lore)
– an octopus and a whale (from the dimly lit display at the museum of natural history, amazed and entertained and impressed)
– from “burnout paradise” (the phenomenal cast of ponycam collective minus ava who’s counting the show’s score in the back before deciding whether or not the audience are entitled to ticket refund. i didn’t know this iconic music video before seeing this show but here we ok go. also didnt know burnout could be this entertaining. have seen this show 3 times and would always recommend <3)
– danielle (an incredible person who, for 3 blissful weeks 9 years ago, was like a sister to me. she was so old, 24, and now a decade went by and everything is the same. nostalgia is my favourite feeling. people are my favourite thing. i’m not over this. i can’t describe this. i just love it so much. i love her so much)
– leftover police equipment from the parade (and i think we should call it now, central park west, take a break for a while, it’s been marathon and thanksgiving parade and go take a nap)
– cutting the turkey (cutest and best chelsea at cutest and best thanksgiving. there’s too much to give thanks for to write here, but yes, that’s it, thankful for the rest of my life for these 19 weeks)
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holding space for this apartment
holding space for the motherfucking skylight
holding space for the girl who visited today, newly highlighted hair and her well articulated wits,
holding space for ann,
holding space for dan and his bracelets,
lots of space in his and her apartment
lots of food in caitlyn’s kitchen
feeding people I hold space for
holding space for all these people
Nathan josh colleen asil
silly me for ever leaving
leave their mark on me they will
holding space for half assed rhyming
holding space for whole assed timing
holding space for 4D screenings
holding space for future meetings
holding space to come back another time
leaving the calendar open
holding space for future projects
holding space for something completely different that I don’t know yet
holding space for cuddly couches
holding space for hugs in subways
holding space for rooftop coffees
holding space for slutty costumes
holding space for body bag cocktails
holding space for k-town karaoke
holding space for the steps in front of bossa
holding space for the C train if it chooses to show
I’ll hold
I’ll stay on the call
I’ll wait for something to show
I’ll make space and keep it, hold it tight, hold the space so life stays open,
hold them in my heart in the meantime
if they’ll hold a space on a couch in bed-stuy
if they’ll hold my index finger when i say goodbye
(and probably cry)
a C train will show up one night
and I’ll be back to hold them tight
until then,
hold space for me please
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the city prepping
me prepping
enjoying
bonus
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