January 2nd, 9.19 pm
have been thinking noticeably little about the turn of the year this time
have been thinking noticeable much about the turn of life this summer
and a lot about death between Christmas and new years, visited grandma and grandpas graves and had some hot chocolate with them
have been calling the unemployed office a little too often to orchestrate a new way of life as fulltime freelancer,
well timed and well prepared,
the new beginning happened when Svante and I filed for business registration in the cantina of the Playhouse,
or when Svante and Anna and I finally brainstormed our way through to a name that made us shut up,
with a pen in hand and a mindmap notebook in one of the bars at Sønder Boulevard,
the decision has been made for a while now, weeks, almost months,
it’s just the turn of the year that hasn’t kept up with me and my changes
the year has been behind,
the weather hasn’t adjusted to my mood,
it didn’t rain when I had symptoms of stress one da y in September,
and it hasn’t started snowing until today, 9 days after I went ice skating with my niece,
the weather was calm when my brain was roaming, ruminating and worrying, when I was restless for a month and attempting to map out a future,
last year the sun was shining at odd times,
it was raining too little according to how much I’ve been crying,
November was blissful, but also the only time where I used my rain coat and wrapped a scarf around my head, on my way to a functional workplace and returning on my bike with a head full of inspiration and referencer,
clouds everywhere
I’ve decided to refrain from alcohol the rest of the month,
the whole month, minimum,
but yesterday I was so hungover that I don’t know if it counts,
but it do know that nobody counts,
so I’ll be drinking water and hoping to avoid eating the matching amount in chips, we’ll see if cigarette will become the thing my fingers can fiddle with next time I hit Osbourne,
or if I’ll manage to better my presence in a new way
this first week of January,
I’ll be trying to better my presence in a new way,
have to find out what that way is but I’m positive it’ll have to do with my windowsill and silence,
maybe I’ll try not to talk about my own day this week,
old school new, but presently new,
conceptually new,
after all I’m still me
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